


You are the Moon

by NormieScum



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Drabble, Freeform, Idk Sasha and Jean are brotp, M/M, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 08:15:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9875822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NormieScum/pseuds/NormieScum
Summary: Jean confides in Sasha and she's bad at keeping secrets.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I got the inspiration from this: http://erenyeagersbutthole.tumblr.com/post/153692316854/fic-idea-where-jean-stupidly-confides-in-sasha-one  
> This is just a really short, messy thing I never even proof read. I'm still working on my chapter fics and a few other projects. I expect to update those in the next few days! Thanks for being patient with me :")

He met her in their usual spot at the usual time, it was past curfew and they were supposed to be asleep but this had become a weekly occurrence and neither of them intended on skipping out on it. Jean was anxious, his hands twitching from both the cold and his nerves. He got there first, as usual. Grabbing the ladder, he propped it against the stable wall and started upward. It was dark and he was clumsy so he bided his time until he’d reached the small opening. The stable had a loft which they used to store horse feed but no one really ever made use of it unless they were rotating stock so it became an opportune spot for Jean and Sasha to set up what she called “The Lair”. She thought it was clever but Jean disagreed. Sitting down on one of the blankets they’d dragged up there, he let out a relieved sigh and shut his eyes. Unsure of when Sasha would actually show up, she was always late. But when he heard someone scaling the ladder, he sat up and looked towards the entrance.

“I followed you here idiot, you’re really loud.” She teased, tossing a pack of cigarettes towards him. “Pay up, big man.” She taunted, winking at him in the dark. He laughed, relieved that he didn’t have to wait all night for her to show up.

“Imagine what people would think if they saw us sneaking around like this.” He removed a box of sweets his mother made from under his jacket and slides it towards her. Scooping up the pack of cigarettes, he quickly fishes one out and sticks it between his lips. He’d picked up the nervous habit from one of the older soldiers, despite being warned against it. Striking the match against the box, his eyes crossed as he brought the flame close to his face to light the smoke. He put out the flame and tossed the stick out the small opening so that it fell into a mound of snow below.

“Awe, Jean-y, you’re cute but I’m not interested.”

“I never said you were.” He mumbled back bitterly, watching her shove food into her mouth like she hadn’t eaten in weeks.

“These are so good, I’d marry you just to eat your mom’s cooking.” He snorts, exhaling smoke through his nose. His eyes are fixed on his hands and for a moment he thinks about the long day ahead. It’s probably about two a.m. and they have to be awake by five. “You alright, Jeanbo?”

“Yeah- don’t call me that.” He sighs, for the most part, he is alright. But there’s a part of him that’s terrified of what the day holds for them. It was a constant shake-up of who was going to die next and at this point, he was just tired. He’d seen too many good people fall and at what cost? It didn’t seem like they were making any progress and a lot of what they did seemed pointless.

“Sorry I hear Eren call you it and it’s kinda hard not to do the same.” The mention of their friend brings him out of his thoughts and he looks up at Sasha but there’s a sense of confusion in his eyes. He hadn’t heard what she’d said but that name. It was enough to make his blood boil but also melt the metaphorically cold ice exterior around his heart. He didn’t show affection for pretty much anyone but Eren had managed to work himself into Jean’s heart. And the more he thought about the brunet, it felt like someone was tugging at his heart strings. It wasn’t an overwhelming thought, it’s place in Jean’s head fluctuated. Sometimes, he could forget Eren existed but most of the time, the feelings flicked on as easily as a switch. He wouldn’t go so far as to call it love and he still didn’t understand it but something about Eren made him want to gravitate to him. Protect him. For the most part, he told himself that it was because Eren was a friend and this was /just/ his job. But it was so much more than that. A confusing, overwhelming emotion that he just didn’t have time for.

“Uh where’d you go, Jean?”

“Huh, what?” He blinks himself out of it to see Sasha has scooted closer and is looking at him restlessly.  

“You went blank. I thought you’d died.” She continues munching, satisfied hums escaping her mouth in between bites. He flicks the cigarette into the same pile of snow below them before lighting up another.

“Those things will kill you, y’know?”

“Not before this job does first.” It’s the honest truth, his expected lifespan is laughable. For a second, he has a moment of weakness; unable to think about anything else. “Sasha, do you think any of us will ever get to have a normal life?” She frowns, the usually bubbly girl reduced to silence as she curls around herself.

“I don’t like to think about it.” It’s shocking for him to see how quickly she snaps out of herself. This isn’t like her at all and if he wasn’t so scared for himself, he’d be worried.

“I’m grieving a life I’ll never get to live.” He cups his chin into the palm of his hand. “It’s really a shame.” She nods, unable to give much of response for a few seconds.

“I think that we’re all different than we were in the beginning…I’m not sure it’s a good thing either.”

“We’re not good people anymore.” It seems dramatic, but it’s the truth. They’d given up their humanity a long time ago and there wasn’t a day that he was allowed to forget it.

“Why did you ask? You planning on running away with a girl?” She giggles and a quiet snort is exhaled through her nose but he can see the way her lip quivers, she’s terrified just like him.

“Nah. Nothing like that I just…think I’m infatuated with someone. I don’t know, promise you won’t say anything.” She holds her pinky out and he hesitantly curls his around hers, mumbling something about her being childish.

“Who is it?”

“No.” He couldn’t tell her, could he? He pondered the idea for a few seconds. Sasha was one of his most trusted confidantes so if he was going to tell anyone it would be her. So quickly, without putting much more thought into it, he blurted out that name. “Eren.”

“…What?” He doesn’t respond to her question, assuming it to be rhetorical. But judging from the look on her face, she knew all along.

“I never expected you to admit to that.” She adds, giggling. “Are you gonna tell him?”

“Ew, no.” And just like that, the conversation shifts back to Jean’s mother and her cooking. He’s relieved to get the awkward confession into the open and even more relieved to assume that it’ll never see the light of day. He expects Sasha will forget all about it but she proves him horribly wrong.

Over the next few weeks, whenever a fight between the two erupts, she has a smug grin on her face and sometimes she’ll bring it up. Eren seems to brush it off for the most part, to Jean’s relief. But when it comes to kitchen duty and he’s stuck on it with both Eren and Sasha, things are more than awkward. Sasha finds any way possible to leave them alone together whether it be sneaking food out of the pantry or taking breaks to talk to Connie.

“Sasha, you’re not very helpful,” Jean mumbles in irritation as he chops vegetables. Eren is standing beside him aimlessly stirring a pot, he hears the shorter male snort and even they even make eye contact.

“For once I agree with you.” There’s a surge of pride that hits Jean but he doesn’t respond to Eren, instead of turning to look at Sasha who’s snuck up on him to grip his shoulders. She has to hop upward to reach that high, so the strain on his body causes him to turn and look at her. He wears his usual scowl but she isn’t intimidated.

“Trust me I’m more helpful than you know. I gotta go now, there’s a thing in the hall- very important.” She’s unconvincing and if Jean would turn around he’d see Connie standing in the doorway trying to sneak Sasha out.

“Yeah right, that’s not gonna work again, just get back to work.” He continues with what he’s doing but after a few seconds of silence, he stops.

“She’s gone isn’t she?”

“Yep.” Eren appears disinterested but the silence is just him trying to collect his words. “So Sasha told me something interesting.” Jean’s heart lurches and he almost feels like it left his body for a moment. When he finally works up the courage to look at Eren, he sets down the knife and wipes his hands off. Preparing for something, but he’s not sure what.

“Oh yeah?”

“Is it true?”

“Is what true?” Within seconds, Eren’s cheeks and ears are red and he’s diverting his attention out the window.

“Don’t make me say it, jackass.”

“How am I supposed to know what you’re talking about if you don’t tell me?!” At this point, Jean is mad. But not at Eren, mostly with himself for letting Sasha in on his secret. Within seconds his fingertips are laced into Eren’s collar and he’s dragging him closer. Neither of them flinches and for once, Jean isn’t tempted into violence. He loosens his grip at first but when he feels Eren standing on the tops of his feet, he tightens his grip again. Confused by what’s going on, he tries to speak but no words come out. Eren’s arms lace around his neck and he’s tugged downward in the slightest. His lips crash to Eren’s, unlike most of their interactions, this one is soft. He just gently grazes his teeth to the other male’s bottom lip. Jean’s hands slowly loosen the grip on Eren’s collar before his sliding both of them down to rest gently on the other’s hips. Eren’s body falls against Jean’s chest and he lets out a sigh of relief when he realizes how he’s being held. The kiss doesn’t last nearly as long as either of them expected and afterward, Jean is left with a sense of longing but he doesn’t bring it up.

“That was….odd. I need air.” He breaks the silence, letting go of Eren and moving away to lean against the wall with his head in his hands.

“Don’t look so disappointed, isn’t this what you wanted?”

“No! I didn’t want you to know. It was supposed to just go away with time, not get worse.” Eren would be hurt if he wasn’t so damn annoyed and frustrated.

“You’re kidding me.” He frowns, looking down at his feet as the regret sets in. He wants to slap Jean but doesn’t. He wants to kiss him again but doesn’t do that either. The tall blond standing in the corner of the room begins to recognize how cruel he’s been but he isn’t ready to give the act up.

“Why would you do that? We don’t have time for this kinda stuff. You know that.” Eren’s eyes drift to half lids and for a second, Jean thinks he might cry. However, he’s completely surprised when he actually does.

“I never expected you of all people to be interested in me like that.” His words are contorted by sniffles but Jean has an alright time understanding what he’s saying.

“I wasn’t either.” He admits, casually moving back to Eren’s side. The one spot he always has been but never quite realized it until recently. “Stop crying, you look ridiculous.” His words harsh, but his body language is gentle and caring. He wraps one arm around Eren’s shoulders to pull the smaller male to his chest. His lips graze the top of his head gently, inhaling the clean scent Eren has about him. The moment is serene and he wishes it could last forever.

“Sometimes, I wish that this was possible. I just want a normal life Jean. Whoever it’s with, I just want to make them happy.” It’s pure fantasy at this point. Jean knows of their destiny and he’s certain that Eren does too at this point. The small amount of strain in Eren’s voice, however, makes Jean want to believe.

“I never understood how you managed to stay optimistic through all of this. I still don’t.” Eren’s hands find their ways to the fabric of Jean’s shirt, he clings to him and hides his face in the fabric for a moment. Finding comfort in being allowed to let his guard down around Jean. "You're like the moon, you're still around no matter how long the day was." He laughs, it's a peculiar thing to say to another guy but he can't bring himself to be embarrassed because that small smile on Eren's face is enough. 

“I love how honest you are, I feel like I can be honest with everyone, including myself when we’re together.” He laughs, moving away from Jean again so that he can look up at him.

“Whatever happens with us…I just hope it’s worth it in the end.”

“Me too.” There’s silence but after a while, Jean can’t resist it any longer, his hand travels to the small of Eren’s back and he leans down for another kiss. A soft hum escapes his lips when Eren kisses back, his free hand cupping the brunet’s cheek to hold him in place. He kisses until he can’t anymore, his heart pounding and his body feeling faint from the lack of oxygen and the natural high he’s on. Eren chokes up, still emotional from before. Jean can understand why and he wishes they had more time to be like this but he can hear people in the dining hall. He isn’t quite sure whether the bittersweet alone time with Eren was worth it in the end but he’d be a liar if he said he regretted it. He wasn’t even sure Eren felt the same way about him but in situations like this it didn’t really matter, they were both naïvely looking for comfort and found it in each other. Jean found purpose in all of their exchanged glances from that point on and when they fought, it became more difficult not to kiss him in front of everyone.

Foolishly, he was falling in love with Eren’s fighting spirit. He was falling in love with the idea of coming home to him someday but in a world like this, it wasn’t logical. In his dreams, they led a normal life. A happy life together but when he woke up he was always unhappier than he’d been when he fell asleep. The sheer unfortunateness of the situation caused the male to become lonely and bitter even when he wasn’t alone. He and Eren would meet in private similar to how he and Sasha used to. But with him, instead of smoking, he’d cure his heartbreak in a different way. When they pressed their lips together he could feel normal for a handful of moments. When they held each other, he swore everything would be okay. Now that he was in love, the world seemed a lot less dim but the illusion wouldn’t last forever. And they never said the word ‘love’ because it was far too fragile to endure the way things were. Someday he knew he’d die and whatever he and Eren had would become a minor detail. He selfishly hoped that they’d die together.


End file.
